FML

So the never ending saga continues....

Tegretol hates me. There's no denying that. Has it stabilized me? Yes. Does it still want to make me hurl on stuff? Yup.

Yesterday I picked up my anti-nausea medication. Promethazine (generic for Phenergan). I was so excited about it. I did the happy dance from my car all the way to a water source to swallow that pill. About an hour after consuming the little white beauty, I began to feel like I was disconnecting from my body. I was floating away. I was high but not in a good way.

About a half hour after that I had to close my eyes. I was at work mind you. I put my head down and took a nap. I had to. There was no other way out of this. I felt a bit better after but knew once I got home I would have to lie down for a bit to come back down to reality. And so I did.

7:00 struck and I was jolted from a sound sleep. The house was quiet. I ran from the bedroom to the kitchen to look at the clock. Was it a.m. or p.m.? I was freaking out. Did I miss dinner? Was I late for work? Where were the kids? Where was my husband?

It took a while to calm down and realize I hadn't missed anything but for the rest of the night I was on edge. I was scared but of what I didn't know.

I'm never taking those pills again.

I'll ride this out for the remainder of the week per my doctor's instructions and if the nausea doesn't subside, the Tegretol goes away for good and I'm back where I was. Again.

I'm stable right now. I'm not happy but I'm stable. Which is worth it? Which do I choose? I really don't know.